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[ Droite leans against a wall, a bit of an exasperated sigh escaping her. No, not exasperated. More... exhausted. Whether or not it's a physical or mental exhaustion, she isn't even entirely sure. Hell, she isn't even sure if she wants to block out the events of the day or not. Should she push it all away and risk a mental breakdown because she isn't confronting the issue? Or should she linger on it, embrace the act she's succumbed herself to do for the sake of ensuring Gauche stays oblivious to everything?

And it pains her, really. It hurts to have to be the one to actually protect him, despite the fact that he... thinks he's the one protecting her. It hurts, but there's nothing she can do about it. Heartland has her by the scruff of her neck, and this is how she has to ensure that Gauche knows nothing.

Carefully, Droite tilts her head to rest her head against the wall as well, eyes slipping shut as she takes a deep breath. She just needs a moment... ]

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[ If only Kaito knew about all of Droite's reservations. And admittedly, she's a little skeptical about him knowing somewhere to go (the cameras she knows of seem too few for him to know what he does), but she offers him a nod anyway. She can certainly trust him, right? With love comes trust, and that's something she can let herself slip into if she has the chance.

Anything is better than enduring Heartland's touches, as well as the touches of other customers. ]

Lead the way, then.

[...he thinks for a moment. Nowhere inside, certainly. Nowhere near a venue, or in the main park. Nowhere near his home.]

...shower first, maybe. I might need to think.

[He's trying to figure out if it's safe, really. If there's somewhere they can be unseen and unheard. He can't have cameras everywhere, can he...?

They reach the doors to the showers at that moment.]

[ And though they're there at the doors, Droite finds herself hesitating as her hand closes around the handle. She turns her head to look at him, and she feels a little... silly, she thinks, for wanting to ask this of Kaito, but it would make her feel quite a bit better. ]

Come with me? Just... for the company.

[ Another moment of her hesitating, and she shakes her head once. It really is silly of her, in retrospect. ]

If you're all right with that, that is.

[...Oh.

He looks at the floor for a moment. For some reason the thought of sitting in the room with someone as they shower is strange, to him. Even though there are hardly many taboos in that area he hasn't broken.

But...he nods.]

I understand.

[And he does, really. He understands the need not to be alone.

So when she enters the room, he'll follow her.]

[ She sighs in relief, her fingers gripping the handle hard as she pulls the door open and slips through. And Droite should look behind her to make sure, but she... she trusts Kaito enough to make good on that, and it's why she continues on. Of course, she hasn't quite... thought it through beyond the need for company if she's showering here. Though she isn't modest to the point that anyone seeing her nude is enough to turn her into a squirming mess, she is concerned about...

Well, it's Kaito. But she'll have to get used to this, won't she? She'll have to get used to being undressed in front of lesser men, men whose faces will eventually blur from one to the next to the one after that. She remembers the face of the man from tonight, but he was her first customer, and she imagines it'll be easier to forget them as the time drags on.

As she prepares herself for her shower, she starts to look over her shoulder to see where he is, but stops halfway. ]

What was your first time like?

[ Though the privacy isn't much better than out in the hall, it's something, and she feels as though she can actually ask him something like that. She needs something to compare to, to see if it gets better or worse so she can brace herself properly. She can't break, or Gauche breaks, too. ]

[There's a chair in the corner that he's taken, and he's...watching the floor, mostly. As irrelevant as modesty is when you're a five, it seems wrong to look at her. She's not a spectator, not a promoter, she's...like him, and so he has the response he has to humans rather than customers and he turns his gaze away.

When she asks that question, he's glad he's sitting down. He takes a deep breath.

He assumes "first time as a five" rather than "first time ever". (That's almost easier to talk about.)]

He had me drugged so I'd want it. Prepared as well.

[That was something he owed him for, later.]

I didn't have to do much, but I came out with bruises. He'd thought I was arrogant. They were hard to explain.

[The words spill out of him in short bursts, a little disconnected, like he's not quite thinking about it, just talking. He can't linger too long on it.]

[ A quiet actual whimper escapes her at the word 'prepared'. That's what Heartland had said he was doing the night before. Preparing her. And a very small part of her is grateful for it, sure, because she hadn't... she'd never known what it felt like at all, and at least it was someone she'd known for a long time instead of some stranger whom she'd never see again. And it seems ridiculous to linger on that, to think about who she'd lost her virginity to, so she forces herself to move and step into one of the showers.

But she continues to listen, and she wants to open her mouth, wants to tell of her experience, wants to point out the fact that she's grateful of her usual wardrobe and now she shows no skin but her hands and face. Instead, there's just one thing she can offer, as lame as it sounds even to her own ears. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Droite bites her lower lip (though it's still sore from a customer biting it a lot earlier) before she forces her head under the stream of water, hoping to get the bone-deep feeling of filth off of her and ignoring the sting of a bruise or two. ]

I thought I'd gotten lucky. He'd been... gentle at first. I let myself believe it would be fine, easy even. [ She pauses enough to step away so she can start cleaning herself, start scrubbing at her skin until she's burning from the friction, because at least it's better than feeling so dirty. ] But I slipped and said one thing wrong, and he... started being a lot rougher than I was prepared for. I don't think it'll bruise too badly, but I... I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was.

[ She wasn't as prepared as she expected because of what she'd gotten from Heartland, and she- He really is kind to her, isn't he? ]

[He hears that noise come out of her, that whimper, and he has the terrible feeling that they did something to her (who "they" is he's not yet quite sure) that she's not going to recover from any time soon, something that was almost worse than the selfish, rough thing that they all had to endure. He tightens his grip on his knees.

When she says she's sorry...he nods, and it helps. To have someone who's heard. So he listens to her as she tells her own story, closely.

When she finishes, he nods, and says (in a voice that might shake a little, or is that just a trick of the tiled walls?)--]

You learn what not to say. It gets to be reflex.

Unless they want you to fight, but...there's less of that for cherubs, I think.

[A short pause.]

...what did you say?

[He says it hesitantly. She doesn't have to answer, but...he wants to help. And, in some perverse way, it helps to know that you're not the only one slipping up and hurting.]

[ For a few minutes, she doesn't answer. Droite mostly... isn't sure how to answer it, so she mulls it over in her mind, though the more she thinks on it, the more she seems to... zone out. She seems to disconnect herself from what she's doing, her arms not moving as she stands, head tilting back to look at the ceiling. When she finally does speak, she sounds... not quite broken (she can't let herself be broken, else Heartland will...) but she's not quite all there, either. ]

It was twice. He started doing something different and I asked him to wait. That's... what started it. I thought he would've been nice enough... [ She pauses and swallows, one of her hands lifting to her neck, fingers moving over the wet skin briefly. ] When he started being rougher, I thought it would've been easier to imagine someone else, to make myself like it a little better.

[ She shakes her head with a shaky sigh. ]

I called him by a name that... wasn't the one he told me.

[ Because his name was definitely far from 'Kaito'. ]

[It's a sign of how long Kaito has been down here, down in the lowest ring of the underground, that his first thought is How could you think that would work? Why would you ask one of them to wait? It's scornful, almost, and he swallows it down and hates himself for thinking it.

But then...the other name. Thinking of them as someone else.

He didn't get to use that often, given his customers, but...

Sometimes, in the beginning, he'd do that. Close his eyes and put someone else in their place, even if their voice was different and they weren't tall enough and...

He shakes his head.]

It's best not to think of names, if you can.

[He pauses.]

...but sometimes that's what helps.

[ Droite sighs during Kaito's pause, but when he continues, she at least feels a little better about the situation. Not much, but... it helps. ]

But I'll have to stop eventually, won't I?

[ She's not sure if she really wants to, though. She's not sure if she wants to let go of the other thing that could keep her sane, keep her grounded. Maybe if she pretended it were Gauche inste-- no. Gauche wouldn't want to touch her, anyway, would he? If he knew, he wouldn't... (does that make Heartland her only option for a way to stay anchored?) ]

I should work on that.

[He nods, very slightly.]

...It might be for the best.

The first time I slipped, it was...

[He grimaces. There's...really no way to pass off "Chris" as a slip of the tongue. (That time had hurt.)

It takes a few moments of staring at his knees before he speaks again.]

It's good to have another way to think, though.

Do you have... any ideas?

[ She hopes it's not too farfetched of a thing to ask. He's... been at it for a while, hasn't he? All she's known is dueling with the collars (and the way Heartland had forced her to take pleasure in the pain) up until tonight (or last night?). Droite takes the moment to step out of the shower, immediately reaching out for her towel to start drying herself off.

And she figures Heartland is watching - she knows there's at least one camera in the showers - but doesn't even make the attempt to be paranoid about it. He's seen her entirely before. There's no point in hiding the very assets he seems to favor so much. ]

[How much can he tell her about that? How much can he say without breaking down the walls he's gone to such lengths to construct?

He can't lose them. They're what stand between him and Haruto and the void.

He clears his throat and stares down and tries.]

...you have to trick yourself into it.

[Tell yourself lies. That you want it, that you deserve it, that it'll kill you if you can't.

But he can't say any of that, because his throat has closed up and as hard as he tries he can't keep speaking.]

[ Trick herself... No, she gets it, without him needing to explain further. It's... easy enough to trick herself with Heartland, isn't it? She could do it with faceless men, countless ones until it gets to her and she ends up needing a few days to rest herself before going back in. Heartland won't mind that, right? He won't mind her taking off a few days to rest properly every few weeks, especially if she's to stay a cherub and not descend into five territory.

Not... that there's necessarily anything wrong with what Kaito's doing. She wishes she could save him. She wishes she could take Gauche and Kaito and Haruto and just... run off with them, leave Heartland City, and go past the reach he has. But... well, that's just a useless dream, something she'd given up on a long time ago. ]

... Thank you, Kaito.

[ She starts to get dressed now, still intent on covering every inch of her skin that she can. Not out of shame, but out of decency. Because then no one has to feel as if they have to report something if they see her with marks or light bruises. It's why she'd started to wear such clothes to begin with. ]

You've helped more than you know, I think. But you've always been good at that, haven't you?

[...He doesn't know what to say to that, not really. He folds his hands in his lap.]

Thank you.

But I'm not sure what you mean.

[Good at helping people? The only person he really knows he's helping is Haruto. This is...unusual, for him. This is because she's the same.]

[ Ah. She supposes it's silly for her to expect him to remember what he'd done when they were younger, when they'd still been training. She'd already been touched by Heartland, dirtied and unwanted by anyone for a long term... anything. It makes sense.

Droite shakes her head as she smooths out her skirt, then pulls her white jacket on. No wonder he sees her as an angel. ]

Never mind it.

[ She pauses and gathers her things, then slips on her shoes and there's a steady click, click as she walks towards Kaito on the tile. ]

We can leave now, if you'd like.

[If only he knew what she was thinking, so he could tell her she was wrong. So he could tell her she wasn't alone.

But he doesn't. He can't. He doesn't even know he needs to.

(He doesn't even think she would remember that time.)

So he nods. He pulls himself out of the chair.]

Is the park good?

[Where really it means, "do you think it's safe?"]

[ Droite knows that it isn't quite 'safe', but as far as she knows... the cameras there are only to ensure that criminal activity doesn't go uncaught. Besides, Heartland has better things to watch over than a little trip to the park, doesn't he? ]

It'll do.

[ She makes her way to the doors, pushing one open and holding it open for Kaito once she steps through. It's... a habit, sort of. The times when Heartland doesn't have to be the one to open a door, she always holds it open for him, head lifted to look at him. Though this time, she has to look down, but it's still... reflex. ]

[...it's odd, having the door held for him. It's a courtesy that isn't usually extended to him down here. He's not the kind of person someone would be polite to.

He gets an uneasy feeling when she does it. Like something's wrong. Like it's wrong, this gesture of strange, almost unfitting respect that she extends to him.

He looks back at her as they head towards the door to the outside.]

[ It's respect that Droite does think he deserves, but it's... If she could figure out a way to show it otherwise, she would do that and reserve it just for Kaito. She would do the same for Gauche, too. They could all have their different shows of respect from her and she wouldn't have to feel so bad about it. Maybe she'll work on that.

At least with Kaito, she can walk behind him, or beside him. She doesn't have to endure a leer that makes her shiver uncomfortably. But the habit tries to kick in again, but she falters in her steps and lets Kaito leave first so she doesn't slip back into that.

She's trying, at least. And hopes beyond hope that he doesn't hold the door open for her, because she doesn't want to have to brush past him and feel as if it's Heartland being close. It's Kaito. She shouldn't be terrified. ]

[He slips out the door, in his unobtrusive way, and he holds it briefly open behind him. Doesn't wait for her to walk past him, just...catches it so it doesn't close in her face.

It seems more of a gesture between equals, for them, he thinks. Given the way she held it for him, at least. The way she looked at his face.

(it was heartland, he knows it but he doesn't want to think about it)

He takes a deep breath, once he's outside. At least the air is clean in Heartland City.]

[ Droite appreciates that. It's a much better alternative to what she'd hoped it wouldn't happen like, and she finds herself actually... offering him a hint of a smile. She's grateful for his ability to read body language, as ridiculous as it might seem to have reservations about a door being held open for her.

As she makes it outside, she releases a sigh to expel the lingering filth within her before inhaling the fresh air. ]

It's always nice to get out.

[ It's a bit of an awkward statement, considering the tension in the air, but at least it's something. ]

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