[How much can he tell her about that? How much can he say without breaking down the walls he's gone to such lengths to construct?

He can't lose them. They're what stand between him and Haruto and the void.

He clears his throat and stares down and tries.]

...you have to trick yourself into it.

[Tell yourself lies. That you want it, that you deserve it, that it'll kill you if you can't.

But he can't say any of that, because his throat has closed up and as hard as he tries he can't keep speaking.]